21 November 2010

Letters, we get letters....

I have decided that today's writings shall be all about letters. Letters that I may not be brave enough to write in real life, letters that should be written and have not, or letters that well....make me smile. ENJOY!!

Letter #1

Dear Jackson Rathbone (Jasper from Twilight),
Why have you not answered my fan letter? I have written about 5 fan letters my whole life and you were one of them, and you have broken my heart. You have written to Alecia and she is a fickle sort. I promise you that she did not like you until Eclipse, where I on the other hand found that Jasper was the favorite vampire from the first time that I shall the movie. MMMMMM...you do realize that you forgot the super fan right? I shall forgive you if you send me an autographed photo of you soon. Thank you.

Dear Makers of Plax,
I have been a life long fan of yours. I have used your product for the better part of 20 years. I began using your product while working for Cracker Barrel and needed something to get all the candy that I consumed off my teeth. I very much enjoyed your blue favored one....yum yum. You had to ruin that for me...boo !!!! You had to delete the red and blue favor and just stuck with the green one. Now the green one does a good job, but the blue was invigorating. Do you know how much I miss it? I am someone that uses Plax about 6 times a day and would use it the 9-12 times a day if you would give me some blue plax. Do you know that when I went to Mexico, I went into the grocery store and what should I see? BLUE PLAX!!! No FAIR!!!! I would buy a case if you would allow me. I need Blue Plax.

Dear Bellsouth,
I HATE you!! Thank you for you time!

Dear Mark Eyer,
Thank you for 2196 songs from the 80's. I am still finding stuff that I have not yet listened to. Do you know how great it is to finally have Major Tom, I'm coming home? I adore that song! Thank you Mark Eyer, now please don't beat up my kid next time you see him. Thank you.

Dear Conan,
Thank you for coming back to television. I find the "stupid" humor hilarious! You are right up there in a league with the greatest, Steve Martin! Wow, you should have him on your show, he is amazing!

Dear MP3 player downloads,
Thank you for giving me back my N-SYNC music that I thought was "GONE" forever.

Dear Callie,
Please STOP meowing and waking me up. I promise to you that when I get up, I will feed you and if you are nice I will rub your head. Now that I mention it, please Callie stop biting me. Today when I was working on crafts you bit me and it hurt. I did nothing to you, so why did you bite me? I would understand if I was messing with you, but this bit was totally unprovoked and you should apologize to me.

Dear K&Co,
I am obsessed with your paper products. Do you realize that I have bought 3 pads of your Wild Saffron paper, 2 of Mira, 2 of Urban Rhapsody, and looking for another Blue Awning. Thank you for making papers that make me happy.

Dear Mayfield Cardinals,
I am glad that you are in the finals of your football season, but please consider playing these games when it is warmer outside if you expect Me to attend these games. I am grateful for Friday night because I did not freeze that much and I finished my Potter book, but please keep in mind that this week I need to go shopping. It is kind of my things to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving. I have been doing this since 1992!!! I am not ready to stop now. Good luck...Hey I promise you would do better if I was not there. Please tell my dear husband that. Please convince him that while I love him more than anything, I hate the cold just that much and I (and HE) would be much happier if I did not have to go. I might even buy him a watch if I can stay in the hotel room. Thank you.

Dear Jean Plaidy/Philippa Carr,
Why are your books so hard to find? Do you know that I would like to read them all before I die? Please people stop buying them and jacking up the prices on EBAY so that I can afford them. I love them more than you do...I have made a notebook about each book, and have charted the family's in the Daughters of England series, and I have a bit more room on the bookshelf where I house your books? Do you know that one the whole bookshelf there is nothing but your books there? That is right, I have given you a whole bookshelf now please let me find your books?

Dear Universal Studios,
I cannot stop thinking about that wonderful Harry Potter ride. I still play the ride over in my head and now that I am reading the books the ride makes even more sense to me. Thank you for creating that ride and for allowing me to ride it a bijillion times in one day because I am so awesome and had so much fun riding it.

Dear McDonalds,
Build a store near my work please! Sometimes I crave your burgers and fries and you are too far away from my work AND that stinky one will not sell me a Frappie.

Dear Blackwork
I need more patterns! Thank you

Dear Droid,
I LOVE you! I love that you can give me a Kindle, a Laputa, MP3 music, apps, my websites, and you are very large (I hate sissy small phones). Now if only Otterbox would hurry up with my case :). Thank you for making a great phone.

Dear Gene Kelly/Fred Astaire,
I really enjoy your movies, thank you for making them. Sorry I could never write you a fan letter. :(

Dear Puffs Plus with lotion,
I absolutely LOVE your product! I use you every day of my life! Thank you for being so great! My snot thanks you as well.

Dear Dental Floss,
You are another product that I would have trouble living without! I love you minty, waxed and made by Johnson and Johnson. I have one in my purse, one in my nightstand, one in my kitchen, one in the bathroom, and one in the car. I do not like flossers though, just regular dental floss.

Dear Breathe right,
What did I do before you were invited? I did not breathe that's what. I like you in mental but not that new advanced stuff. I am not a fan of that one. I hate the generic and wear the small/medium ones. You keep me breathing thank you.

Dear chap stick,
I am addicted to you, I know it and admit it freely. I literally go crazy without you in my life, please never leave me.

Dear Hannah,
Study! Clean your room! Then give me a hug cause I love you! You are pretty creative with stuff. Just stuff in general and that scarf you made is cool. No, you are not getting a Bean!!! Love you anyway. Do more drawings, you are good at it. Maybe add some painting to the mix! I would buy you a canvas or two if you wanted them.

Dear Trevor,
Stop being so loud! Why do you have to jump all over the floor ALL the time? You are a GREAT ball player! Thank you for being understanding when my work does not allow me to come to your games. You are a very good artist. KEEP DRAWING!!

Dear John Champion,
I love you! You make me happier than the rest. You take me on cool vacations, you buy me swell paper, and you mow the backyard and make it look "real nice like". You are goofy with your MASH tv show, and you have made our son into a tiny version of you (however, he won't be tiny for much longer). Now, if we can only find our blue plax, caramel popcorn (the old kind), the herb toothpaste, and get our children to quit fighting life would be perfect!

I could go on with these letters forever...you never know I may add more at another time.